By Deb Crosby, ICCS Volunteer Writer
I admire people with certain qualities; honesty, kindness, compassion, generosity, strength, intelligence, perseverance, resilience, resourcefulness and a zest for life and learning. Recently, I was privileged to interview a young woman named Bev, who embodied them all!
Despite a busy schedule, Bev kindly offered to meet with me. The Island Crisis Care Society’s (ICCS) Life Skills Program Coordinator, Alexis, introduced us.
Bev’s early years were spent with her parents, older brother and twin sister but she explained, “I learned too early that life was hard. You’re not supposed to learn that when you’re young.”
Bev struggled growing up. She admitted “…I was just strong and outspoken… rebellious…” Bev was kicked out of her home the first time at age 12. “My mom said she didn’t want me…Later, my mom found me and picked me up.” Bev was sent away multiple times. Later, when she was raped and struggling to continue in school, her mother brought her home but sent Bev out for the last time when Bev lost her job.
Bev has two children she longs to be with. “I had my son Austin when I was 19… and my daughter Sierra at 21… One of my main goals is to try to get Austin. My sister gave up my son and kept my daughter. I found out too late. It was like I was sleeping on drugs. I was; I’m not going to lie, but I literally got clean, I quit everything and got a place.”
Bev recently found out her daughter’s phone number and was able to talk to her. Bev was proud and happy she was able to send Sierra a sketchbook. “She’s an artist. Her drawings are amazing!”
Bev described the difference living in Samaritan Place has made. “I’m doing the best I can… with support from here. It feels like a family.” She turned to Alexis, “…. You’ve been a huge help because I feel like I can get close to someone.” While Bev appreciates Samaritan Place, she hopes to leave. “If I have a stable placement, maybe I have a chance to get my kids.”
Bev’s nurturing spirit extends beyond caring for her family. She has helped rescue a host of animals including two wild rats she looked after for a year before releasing them. When Bev was homeless she found and rescued two wild rats. “They were little and they couldn’t get home. The first one had its foot stuck in a log. His foot was swollen like a balloon. I called the wildlife people. They said they’d come to get him, ‘but we’ll probably put him down.’ Bev asked if she could care for it and the wildlife agents let her keep it.
“Then there was another rat. I don’t know what kind of hole it came out of. It was soaked in something. So I called the wildlife people back and got the same lady. She couldn’t believe it. I’ve got no money here. What do I do?’ “So I was on the phone holding it in one hand with the rat in the other while she was trying to tell me how to bath it. That was interesting. It wasn’t fun trying to bath this wild rat!
I ended up having my rats for a year. They were the best animals I’ve ever had…You can play with them if you teach them. They have to keep their brains going just like humans. Our brains have to constantly keep going. Well, you can train a rat to play basketball, ride a skateboard, play fetch, come on command or do anything, like anything! They were so little and they’d curl up on my shoulder or sleep in my hoodie and I wouldn’t even notice. Once I walked into a store and I forgot there was one on my shoulder. I felt it move and the sales clerk looked. I figured ‘This is it. I’m looking like an idiot’ but it was funny. It was great… ‘Is she back? Sorry.’ ”
Bev has also rescued a number of cats and now helps her friend who runs an animal shelter. “I’ve been helping to take care of rescues and I got two little kittens. One cat adopted me. I called her Lily. I hung out there for a couple days and she literally clung to me. Then there was a new kitten identical to Lily, so I named it Rose. I keep giving to my friend to help her pay for everything. Her fiancée passed away in October… He’s the first one I wrote music with.”
Bev lost seven of her friends since December and has another burial at the end of April. Her sorrow hung in the air but only for a few moments. Bev is a strong, resilient survivor, persevering beyond the trauma and choosing to aim for her best.
“I’ve been trying really hard. Talking about it … makes me a little better. I see where I come from, to where I am and where I’m trying to go… The sky isn’t the limit. The galaxy’s the limit…”
Bev sparkles when she talks about her family, her animals and her music and I wonder what the future will hold for her. Bev would like to run her own business working on electronic devices.
Bev has fixed and donated phones; and computers to “children that needed them,” even helping to build a special one for a visually impaired child… “I still have 7 laptops I’m trying to rebuild and about 15 phones that have been fixed for people here… if I can make someone’s life easier… I’ll do it … I don’t want to see someone struggling like I did…” Joyful tears tumbled as she recalled the day she delivered a computer to another disabled child. “I never saw such a happy family in my life. It was one of the happiest days in my life because I was able to do that! …You can’t learn everything, but you can try.”
I asked Bev if there was any one skill she’s learned through the program. Bev didn’t hesitate. “This is, YES, I can! See, if you think you can’t, you can’t; but you’re able! You’re strong. You don’t give up… You’ve got this! I’m glad I learned it. Before I came into this program I was at the point where I thought ‘I can’t’ do this’… it was really a struggle; saying ‘I can’t. I don’t want to do this. I won’t.’ Learning this brought me up from a lot of that…I’m thankful … Alexis has helped me get through a lot already without even knowing it.”
Alexis promised she would continue to be there for Bev.
“I know. That’s what gives me ambition… with Alexis …it’s like an overwhelming joy; … a freedom from being in a box or bubble … So, looking here, it’s like you’re looking 10 feet ahead.”
“That’s phenomenal. Oh my goodness. I’m 10 feet tall… I want you to be too.”
“I will be one day Alexis. .. Help me get there and I know I will.”
“One step at a time.”
Bev adds “and maybe 10 steps back a bit… but then it’s two steps forward because for every one step back, there’s three ahead. It’s true. .. Life is one big curve and it’s a never ending one… That’s when you realize that squares end but circles keep going” She looked at Alexis… “I appreciate you!”
Alexis appreciates Bev too, especially because “No matter what you’ve been through, you’ve kept your heart open. “
“If you keep it closed, you don’t get anywhere… If someone said I ‘couldn’t.’ I tried. If someone said ‘you’re not going to make it,’ I tried … Even though I failed, I still tried. I can say, ‘ha, I still did it’ because a lot of people don’t. People say that they ‘can’t,’ and then they won’t. It shuts them down. That’s one thing that society needs to change too.” When people say ‘you can’t do that, or you’re never going to do that,’ it sounds like a downgrading or bullying. That’s one thing that needs to change too because my daughter is in high school. I feel so bad for her because she’s getting bullied. She said ‘Mom, this girl’s making fun of the way I dress.’
I told her ‘Do you like the way you dress? You like the way you feel? Okay, so who’s there to judge? We like who you are! Don’t let these people do so… they’re calling her ‘dumb’ … I said, ’well, you know what? She’s just the one that’s dumb because you guys may not be equal. One may be rude, one would be nice, but in the end you’re going to show her how nice people take a step up… Why don’t you tell her, ‘Hey, why be so mean to people?’ Talk to her; try to be friends. If she stays mean to you, keep trying…. Be like, ‘Hey, how are you? Are you okay? What’s wrong? I see you’re in a bad mood today. Do you want to talk?’” It seems a lot of Bev’s desire to learn about people has already happened, and her people skills are being applied with wisdom to help others.
I left Samaritan Place that morning feeling a bit like Alexis; almost “ten feet tall” thanks to the time I got to spend with Bev. I’m grateful that I had the privilege of meeting with her. It takes a special person to rise above the challenges Bev’s faced and a very generous soul to be willing to be so vulnerable and share what she’s been through. Bev is lovely and so full of life and light. She loves and nurtures her family, friends and animals. She’s committed to learning and being the best she can be. With her devotion, perseverance, skills and talents I have great hope that Bev will realize her goals, change her family’s situation, open her business and help alter the world around her for the better. What a gift she is to our Nanaimo community!